Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Not Another Cookie

I got sidetracked at work today and was reading this interesting interview with Steve Harvey. I was a bit skeptical about him speaking about dating and relationships, but reading through the transcript, Steve makes a great argument. Here are a few excerpts from the interview. I have emphasized my favorite quotes in red. So ladies, sit back and read:

1.) Introduction: If a man introduces you as a friend or says your name with no title at all, Steve says you have nothing. "We're very protective. We mark our territory. If a man loves you ... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancée, his wife, his baby's mama, something," he says. "If he's introducing you after six months, 'This is ... Oprah,' you should be standing there going, 'This is going nowhere.'

2.) The Plan: Another thing women need to understand, according to Steve, is that every man has a plan. "Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan," he says. "We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted." When a man approaches a woman, Steve says, he already knows what [he] wants from her, but he doesn't know what it will cost. "How much time do you want from me? What your standards? What are your requirements? Because we'll rise to the occasion no matter how high you set the bar if we want to," he says. "The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high."

3.) The Cookie: Though a woman might want many things from a man, Steve says men only need three things: support, loyalty and sex. Or as Steve calls it, "the cookie." "We've got to have your support. Whatever adventure we're out on, whatever pursuit in life, we need your support. Then we need your loyalty. That's your love. We've got to know that you belong to us," he says. "And we've got to have a cookie. Everybody likes cookies. That's the thing about a cookie. I like oatmeal raisin ... but if you've got vanilla cream, I'll eat that too."

4.) Gone Fishin': Steve says men are like fishermen — but women are actually the ones looking for a good catch. You won't be able to find one, though, until you up your standards. "You've got sports fishermen, and you've got guys out there fishing to eat. You've got guys that are fishing to keep the fish, and you've got guys that are fishing to catch them, unhook them and throw them back," Steve says. "You've got to determine along the way which one of the fish you're going to be."

Without ironclad standards, Steve says you'll always end up back in the dating pool. "You've got to quit lowering your standards," he says. "Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business." And don't let the man set the pace of the relationship — Steve says it's always the woman who has total control. "With all that power, why do you suddenly relinquish this power just because you want a guy to accept you? That's stupid," he says. "Say: 'Look, if you want to be with me, this is what you got to do. This is what it takes to get to me.'"

5.) When Should You Sleep With The Boyfriend: As an auto plant worker, Steve says he had to wait 90 days to receive benefits — and says the same probation period should apply to dating. "In 90 days they checked me out. They determined if I was easy to work with, if I got along well with others, if I showed up when I said I was going to show up, if I was worthy."Women, Steve says, hold the greatest benefit of all — the cookie — so there's no reason to give it away until you know your man deserves it. "Slow down, ladies," Steve says. "Look, you cannot run us off."


Ladies and Gents, what do you think? Does Steve make sense?


  1. Steve makes perfect sense!

    But I need to make a comment about setting the bar high. The problem with that statement is unfortunately you end up with no one on your list of 'potentials'! *gasps*

    Perhaps you can set the bar high but must be willing to make exceptions once in a while. ;)

  2. I was nodding and smiling as I read this. In a way, this reminds me of the book He's just not that into you. The cookie, what a 'codename'. I particularly agree with the Gone Fishing part.

  3. kg, i agree.

    daphne, i do understand what you mean about 'exceptions.'

    wits, i was laughing because i was just talking about oreos recently, and here he is talking about 'the cookie.'

    dyanie, 'the cookie' idea makes me laugh all the time.

  4. LOL, I LIKE IT! asking your permission to re post it in my blog Kayni? - Vitchie here.

  5. hahaha. i was laughing at the cookie idea. very true!

  6. Vitchie, Oh yes, feel free to re post. Have fun.

    Blue Rose, I was laughing too.

  7. classic. this should be taught as a general education course in college! hehehe. kidding aside, he makes sense. i agree with almost everything he said, except about the hopes and dreams of the girl aspect. some guys do care about them.

    i like cookies 'n cream.

  8. lol....

    makes sense really though not all men are like that ;)

    Happy Weekend Kayni!

  9. Well he does raise some really good points. It's all about the cookie. Women can manipulate guys with this cookie power.

  10. Hahaha! He's on the side of the women. That's great! :)

    Sorry I haven't been visiting here as often as I want. Was really busy taking care of something. Thanks for the visits. :)

  11. Have you watched the movie He's just not that into you?" This post reminds me of that movie.. really a good chick flick.. check it out.

  12. eks, yes, i think there are those rare men who really care of a woman's dreams.

    jeanny, i agree.

    rico, i like how you called it "cookie power."

    josiet, great to see you're back to regular blogging. no worries about not visiting, i knew you were on a trip.

    toni, i haven't seen that movie yet. i'm, as always, waiting for the