Where Do I Go From Here?

I was really contemplating if I should be writing at the moment. I don't really want to bother anyone about my health struggles but I need to write to keep my sanity.  This is the lowest point in my life, and if I understood it right, my blog should contain both the happy and sad moments of my journey. This post and maybe future posts will contain the latter.

Last week, I was supposed to qualify for another clinical trial, but the new doctor seems unsure to take me in due to my sudden low counts. Doctor New also said that my diagnosis is now MDS and he was pushing for a bone-marrow transplant; this treatment is risky and that what's worse is that Filipinos or minorities have a harder time finding a match. Kepi and I were shocked as the news were laid out in front of us. It doesn't help that such dreadful news unfolded while I was having transfusion for 1 unit of blood and 7 units of platelets. There wasn't much I can do but cry.

MDS - is a group of disorders where your bone marrow does not work well, and the blood-forming stem cells in your bone marrow fail to make enough healthy blood cells. People with MDS can lack the right amount of red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets (the small cells that help blood to clot).

The disease happens because the bone marrow cells do not develop into mature blood cells. Instead, these blood cells stay within the bone marrow in an immature state. The symptoms and the course of MDS may vary greatly from person to person. These differences depend on which blood cells are affected. (Definition is from the http://www.aamds.org/about/MDS.)

I cried every day since then. Emotionally, mentally and physically I am broken.

Can I say that "life is unfair"? I feel that my friends and people my age are out there having families, traveling and enjoying life, while I am stuck in this rotten place. These days, it seems that everyone I meet "anywhere" is healthy and happy. I feel alone and I am afraid.

Facing this adversity made me realize that I lived an unremarkable, uninteresting life. I will have no legacy to leave behind or have no achievement to be remembered by. 

Tiny Flowers - Lavender

On happier note...

On that day, the parents, Kepi and I made our way to the Seven Oaks Lavender Farm in Virginia. It was a trip to take my mind off from what about to happen - the bone marrow biopsy.  I got a promotional ticket for three and a free gift of Lavender cuttings. It was drizzling when we drove to the Lavender Farm.

That area is simply beautiful. We drove through idyllic orchards, farms and all types of enchanting greenery. We even stopped by an Alpaca Farm. (I didn't take photos.)

The beauty of the world masked the pain inside me. That day, I had fears but I tried to feel "ok."

A wild white rabbit welcomed us, as we walked towards the Lavender fields. I wanted to pick up and hug the bunny; he's that cute.

Kepi took this photo. I'm amazed at how his photography skills have improved. This is my favorite shot.

Beautiful!

A yellow in the midst of lavenders. I feel like that sometimes.

After the drizzle...

The owner's house.

Mom cutting Lavender stems for the house.

Very fragrant flowers.

My basket and my Lavender cuttings.

Every tiny flower on each stem is blessed with uniqueness, fragrance and beauty - just like us, humans.

Although we're tiny specks of dust in this whole wide world of creation, each of us are all blessed with great strength and tenacity. We are tiny specks that truly matter.

Two Transfusions Later

A bone marrow biopsy, numerous blood work, low platelet counts, bruises all over my arms and two transfusions...  It's been a rough couple of weeks on my side, and I am not sure where the wind will direct my sails the next few weeks.

My doctors and I have decided to put my name on the Bone Marrow Registry; this is in case I need a bone marrow transplant along the way.  I never thought it would go this far, but here I am and here it is.  Honestly, I am not myself lately.  I am depressed and I am in pain.  Most of the time, my mind hovers or flies to faraway places.  I think I lost hope in the middle of everything and I am just starting to pick things up again. 

BUT what's more alarming is that when I did some research on the US Bone Marrow Registry, here's what I found out.  According to bakitwhy.com,

the 2010 U.S Census recorded that there are about 3.4 Million [F]ilipinos in the United States, taking up one of the largest populations of Asian descent here in the United States. However, according to the National Bone Marrow Registry, as of September 2011, only .6% of [F]ilipinos are registered donors, making [F]ilipinos the least represented ethnicity in the Registry. Being the least represented in the registry makes it difficult for our fellow kababayans who are seeking a bone marrow donor that could potentially save their life.(Read the article here.)

This is quite scary for me who has Aplastic Anemia and especially those who are currently in dire need of a bone marrow transplant.

So why are Filipinos and Filipino-Americans reluctant to be Bone Marrow Donors?  According to bakitwhy.com:

• They think that donating Bone Marrow can be a long and painful process
• Some just don't believe in Donating Bone Marrow.
• Some just don't know how to donate.

This blog post is both a plea and a call for Filipinos to be more proactive.

PLEASE, IF YOU ARE FILIPINO AND EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT, ASK YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO GET INVOLVED. Getting tested is a simple swab in the cheek and it won't hurt. WE NEED TO INCREASE THE FILIPINO DONORS IN THE BONE MARROW REGISTRY. 

BE THE MATCH AND GIVE THE GIFT OF LIFE.

Thank you to all who sent their love and prayers on Facebook. Your words give me hope.

If you would like to get involved and get tested, who knows, you might be my match, please click HERE.  Or type this URL on your browser - http://bethematch.org/Home.aspx.

The Alhambra Palace

I should have posted about our visit to Alhambra earlier because right now, I can't even remember the names of the rooms we visited. Nevertheless, visiting the Alhambra Palace in Granada is one of the highlights of our Spain vacation last year.  When I was young, my first glimpse of the Alhambra Palace was through the pages of the encyclopedia.  I remember telling myself that day, "I am going to visit this place one day."

And I did.

 If the walls of the palace could talk, I bet they could tell me all the stories and the gossips that passed through it's walls and floors.

According to the palace tour guide, this is the Court of the Lions or Patio de los Leones.  It is the main court of the Nasrid dynasty and it is of the palace.

 The Sierra Madre were covered in fog that early morning we visited the fortress.

I had a hard time taking photos because every single corner, every wall is just worth taking a photo of. I don't know if it was just me or that I felt that my camera was inadequate to cover the palace's beauty.

 The walls of the palace.

 The palace is so beautiful, and I think my photography is such a poor representation of the place.

Irving's "Tales of the Alhambra" was written in the palace.  Apparently, he was looking for an inspiration, and though at that time, the palace was in such a bad shape, he found his inspiration to write his book there.

This is the plaque that marked the room where he did most of his writing.

 I forgot what this meant, but it has to do something with "Allah is Great."

 The is the original floor of one of the palace rooms.  The designs are still there but most of them have faded.

 At the Palacio de Generalife, whilst fountains and flowing water are a common feature around the palace.

Beautiful stilted arches.

 This is the Alcazaba, a fortress, and it is the oldest part of the Alhambra.

After visiting the palace, Kepi and I strolled through Downtown Granada, and I found myself a local chocolate shop.  That bar did not last, as it was devoured during our ride back to Sienna.

Things Got To Change!

It's a humid, rainy and sluggish Monday!  The first thought I had when I woke up was ~ I want to go back to bed.  With much protestation, I dragged my ass to work anyway.  Of course, on the way to DC, traffic is horrible as always; people forget how to drive when it's raining. I can't or I don't even want to calculate how much time I have wasted sitting on gridlock since the beginning of this year. I feel that I have wasted a lot that I could have spent in more productive things. Things got to change!

While I think of change, here's a quick list of what's going on, on my side of the woods:

• Our house search is over, we found a house we love in Montgomery County.  The house is just 20 minutes drive to the Metro, so it will cut my commute in half. The house inspection and appraisal are done, so all we're waiting for right now is the settlement date.  Kepi and I are very excited and feel blessed.
• Moving is an emotional process and a stressful chore.  We have started packing the things we don't use on a regular basis. The living room feels big, the bookcases are empty and all the winter clothes are now in boxes. I will miss Pinky but moving on is part of life.
• I finally got a potted Calamansi (Calamondin) and this one comes bearing blooms and fruits.  I am elated and I keep checking if they're big enough for the picking. I look forward to having real Calamansi added to my "sawsawan" or dipping sauce.
• This week, we have relatives from Guam visiting...so excited.
• I hate to mention this but on June 25th, I'm going for another bone marrow biopsy. As always, my nerves are kicking in this early. Please send me positive thoughts.

Summer Break

Spring has sprung, school is out and I am back.

I am officially on summer break, but it seems that the summer months will be proven busy.  I will be blogging more the next few months, but my posts will be a bit sporadic as the clock has started for us to search for a new home; I'm very excited.

Here's a bulleted update from me:

• Spring semester was a bit troubling. I had a professor who barely spoke English and had the tendency to gloat all about his international/political feats during his lectures. I'm afraid to get my grade on this one; I did give him the lowest evaluation ever. I hope the dean would do something about him. Although I doubt it, as he told us in class that "[he] is an institution". Blah, as if I care. It bothers me that Georgetown allows him to teach there.
• Pinky is now on the market; we've been doing a lot of renovations and I think it's time to let her go. I feel sad that I'll be leaving my first home soon. I hope the next owners will look after her and keep her in great condition. We're now in the midst of finding our new home; I am excited.
• My wedding was beautiful, and I'm not just saying it because it's my wedding.  We were blessed because all we've prayed for came true: (1) it was a typical spring day - not too hot and not too cold; (2) no rain; (3) the tulips were in full bloom; and, (4) friends and family came. It was an indescribable moment for me; there was a mixture of excitement and stress but in the end, everything came together as it should be. This is one event I'd like to experience only once.
• NIH decided to take me off my treatment due to a growth on my left leg. My doctors think my treatment is causing the growth. My leg is under observation at the moment, so I'm not sure what are the next steps. Right now, I don't want to think about my health concerns. I'll let my doctors worry about that.
• I've started to cut off the people that are negative in my life. I have no use for their toxic energy. As I went through health and other types of crises, I came to recognize who are my real friends and they're not usually family. Sad but true.
• I'm excited for our long weekend trip to Niagara Falls. This time the parents will be with us. It will be their first time to see the place.

I hope to catch up on everyone's blog.

Real Alcazar Of Seville

We passed through the Alcazar several times on our way to dine and to explore Seville.  The Alcazar was not on our top three list, but once we visited, I was convinced that this is one of the most impressive monuments of Seville.  We had to go back the second time...this time longer.

The Real Alcazar is a royal palace in Seville and was originally a Moorish fort.  According to the guide booklet, it is the oldest royal palace still in use in Europe, and it was registered in 1987 by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site.

Façade of the Peter of Castile's Palace in the Alcázar. - visiting this place would take at least two to four hours especially if you're like me and you love to take photos.

This is located at the Hall of Ambassadors and the centerpiece of the Royal Palaces.  This majestic dome is made of gilded wood. It was formerly called the Middle Orange Hall because of the gold- or orange-like dome.

Exploring the palace felt surreal.  The mudéjar architecture is stunning and impressive wherever you look.

The doors in the palace are well designed and invokes mysticism and curiosity what's on the other side.

The Courtyard of the Maidens - this place speaks of a legend that the Moors demanded 100 virgins every year as tribute from Christian kingdoms in Iberia.

Beauty and space.

The palace walls are decorate with these inscriptions. If I'm not mistaken it means "Allah is great." (Please correct me if I'm wrong.)

Los Baños de Doña María de Padilla - rainwater tanks.

One of the walls at Alcazar.

So if you find yourself in Seville one of these days, I highly recommend visiting the Alcazar.  Spend three to five hours exploring the palace and the gardens.  Maybe you'll be able to take a photo of the Peacock that eluded my camera.

Seville: Plaza de Espana

The air soft as that of Seville in April, and so fragrant that it was delicious to breathe it.
Christopher Columbus

After a five hour train ride from Barcelona, we're finally in Seville.  Seville has the charm and warmth of the old and ancient.  The streets are narrow like the ones in Rome, but the people are a lot more laid back and friendly.  While Barcelona offers the convenience of the city, Seville, although it is starting to be urbanized in some areas, still offers the comforts of the old country.

One of the highlights of Seville for me is the Plaza de Espana.  You can tour the plaza by foot or by horse drawn carriage.  The plaza is in the Parque de María Luisa.  It was built in 1928 for the Ibero-American Exposition of 1929.

The plaza itself is a landmark example of the Renaissance Revival style in Spanish architecture.  You'll see a lot of this Moorish designs around the building, as a sign of the Moorish revival in architecture.

You can also ride one of these boats for a fee to go around the plaza.

The halls were quiet that day we visited.

These are the tiled "Province Alcoves" along the walls of the plaza.

The reflections on the water made it a great day for photography. We were so lucky.

If I were a sketch artist or a painter, this is the place I'd be spending my mornings and afternoons.  If I were thinker, this is the place you'd find me all day and all night long. This is one place in Seville, among many, that made me closer to the old Spain.